Man it's been a whiel since I've been on, I haven't been busy or anything and it's not like I forgot, I just didn't feel like it. Also a fair amount of stuff has happened sonce my last post.
First of all I'm working for Mr.Tran again, back where I was a year ago, but I'm making more money and I'm muffin baking as well so I have to work everyday for atleast 2 hours but it does get me 25 a day, plus my regular wage. The "I hate Mike for reasons that I can't tell him" club seems to have acquired a new member, Miss Kuechle dropped off my spare keys and shit in my mailbox, they should organize, I'd get them T-shirts, I'd love to have a club dedicated to me, even if it is a hate club. The Melville kids seem to like me for some reason, Wonder dedicated his last post to the sexiest man in melville, me, check it out on my links un "A White Noise", and Dylan is even taking in my movie recommendations.
I actually found myself a new female, and not just a cheap fuck too. I actually care about her and it may not have been very long, but I think I might even be falling for her, I know I sound like a pathetic prepubescent, but it's true. And for you astrology buffs who recommended you'll be happy she is a cancer, so maybe your advise was good.
Anyways, thats about it these days, also watched "Home on the Range" a terrible movie, talking cows are funny, but they did it wrong.
Unil next time, this is Rokosh signing out.
1 comments
Fuck was today ever bad. I couldn't sleep last night, not uncommon but never fun, but whatever just a wonderful start. Then I started tweaking out and fucking up for most of the day, had to take three seroquel to calm myself down. I couldn't even pay attention to cartoons I was so fucked, and so fucking bored. Anyways I downed the seroquel and started to calm down and my rents took me out for supper which went well, I even got a new book called "A Beginners Guide to Reality,"it's a philosophy book. Then I had a wonderful sex-misadventure which I'd rather not get into here, but it was the fucking cherry on top. Now I'm so stressed out that I don't think I'll be sleeping again tonight. And one final bitch, I'm fucking cold, I'm actually wearing gloves right now.
On the plus side, I've actually made a friend lately, the lovely miss Jessie Macleoud. She's actually a pretty cool kid. I'll be the first to admit that I never thought much about her in Melville, but we ended up talking the other day(the traditional talk of making friends that lasts until the sun comes up) and I actually like her. She's my new favorite person to hang out with, I actually feel pretty bad for her because of how assish the Melville folks are being towards her.
7 comments
Oh man, sometimes insomnia benefits nicely. I couldn't sleep this evening(it's 19 to 5 right now) so I figured I'd sign up for an AIM account since having Trillian means I don't have to download anything. So I started chatting, ran into tons and tons of bots and shit, but then I actually found a real person. A fucken weird person. He sent me a web page about his faith, now normally I try to be openminded to people, but you can't be to THIS . Yeah they start out good, honsetly and with good reason not using crosses(I'm not catholic but I do understand that like in so many other ways crosses are hypocritical to the entire dogma) but read furthe my friends and you will find some fucked up shit and really bad attempts at justification. These people blame the Jews for the September 11th attacks and celebrate the recent attack on the Amish school (even children aren't free?!?!?). I was inrigued before I read the article, just from the titles and figure I'd go with a good old fasioned debate to see what this fellow was all about. He was quoting the old testament(same as the torah, well almost) and was telling me about how the Jewish people had to be whiped from the earth. He aso tried to tell me that Jesus hated the Jew, correct me if I'm wrong good people, but wasn't Christ a Jew?? The more I talked with this gent the more he sounded like a Klan member, I figured I had run into a right-wing bible thumper, but I didn't realize how right wing. He was one of those(typically Southern) white-supremists who worship a God that was Brown(Jesus was not white! It's true, deal with it!) and twist the Bibles words into hate messages. Lynch mobbers, Klan members, and Republicans ltd. After a while I logged off because I was becoming frightened of this guy and I wanted to read the web-page he had sent me. So I was reading the massive collection of two(thats right two!!) "relevant" articles. The first article is a whopping 3 sentences, 3 fragments, 3 quotes, and a statement, like a twisted sort of haiku. The Second article was a rage against anime, but it had some length to it and a grande sized order of ignorance. It also showed what I was waiting for "Japs are now mocking God's favorite people, the blonde, blue-eyed white skinned race! To think something as great as a clean, blonde face could exist in Japan." Yeah, thats right, it's the Hitler children! Even scarier than children of the Corn. So after this wonderful read I decide to log back on and chat with some other folks in order to find some interesting people, or atleast some more fanatics. I log on and Mr. White Supremecy(I know I can't spell) starts talking to me and informs me that he added me to his friends list. I block and delete the guy, frightened by his messages of hate. About 10 seconds later another person adds me(yeah, same dude, different address) and starts sending me messages saying "I rape children over and over" Seriously some people are really fucked up. I'm not pro-censorship, but some people should not be allowed to spread their view, things this hate-filled should be eliminated and not allowed for public viewing.
1 comments
Fuck I hate it when movies effect me too much, Like I said a few posts back I recently acquired Queen of the Damned on DVD and now my music selection is down to angsty "nu-metal" for the most part and otherwise some of the "more-hardcore" genre's of metal. I fucking love it, but I feel like I'm 16 again and bitching about everything ha! But it does kinda work I have been feeling like hell lately, being trapped in my head has never done me very well, I need some drugs, go on a short vacation if you dig what I'm saying.I just love listening to (I'm going to try the word dirtier) metal when you feel like hell, it's like "Man, I'm not the only pathetic tool who feels like this." Trent Reznor makes me feel like I'm going to die from his lyrics, it'ss orgasmic. Or John Davis' screaming and crying on albums seems to reassure me and make me fall in love with him again, seriously there is no sexier man on the planet, he's a fucking God.
Met my new counselor today, names Ron, not a bad guy for a shrink. He even told me that if I come once or twice he'll let me stop at that since they're not really my style. Fucking guy thought I was a goth for some reason, ha ha ha, what a douche. I actually had fun debating with him on things like what a "goth is" and how labells have completely changed the meaning of words like goth, good times. But one thing we discussed I've run into much too often for the last while, and I want to attempt to make it clear. He asked me how I could hate myself enough to attempt suicide. I may be completely off kilter here, but I don't think that hate is the only thing that leads to death(If anyone even thinks of using the Othello argument here I will kick you in the face and delete your comment, I know, I've even used it before). Frankly I didn't do it because I hated myself, I hated my life, I even blamed myself, but I never hated myself. This is probably the reason that I'm so comfortable talking about it now, I really don't feel like I did anything bad to myself, I don't know how to justify it, it's just the way I see it. I do however feel bad for worrying my family and friends, I don't want to cause them any pain, that's my motivation to not do it again.
Fuck are my eyes ever sore, I've spent too much time on the comp today, fucken can't sleep and bored combination makes the comp get very used(and apparently my eyes very sore). I'll leave you with a quote by the great Jonathon Davis to tide you over until my next post:
"I'm trapped in this world, lonely and fading, heartbroken waiting, for you to come, we are stuck in this world that's not meant for me"
Amen
0 comments
I'm Rokosh and I'm wondering, am I the only person who enjoys Radio Free Roscoe? I know, if you've seen it it's a show for younger kids and it's a bad sappy kids drama type show, but I like it. Those are some good kidsand usually have something intelligent to say.
I know I haven't updates in a while, but I've benn doing other things and haven't had a whole lot to say lately. I've embraced my inner geek and started designing blog skins again, but this time I'm submitting them to blogskins, so they can be used, if you want look them up, my username is same as always: SeconhandSmoke. But yeah, went for coffee with a couple chicks the other night, one wasn't my type, but the other wasn't too bad, and she seems pretty into me. I've been chatting with her a bit since. Maybe I'll drive to Moose Jaw sometime this week. Went to see Dr.Kumar yesterday and I'm allowed to self-medicate now!*sarcasm* yeah I can choose my Seroquel dosage on a daily basis.
As you can see I really don't have a whole lot to say today so I'm going to stop boring yall and hope for some intelligent thought in the future.
2 comments
