Just finished watching the movie Queen of the Damned and still loving it. I found it at WalMart for 5 bucks when I was grocery shopping, for that price I couldn't turn it down. That has got to be one of my all time favorite movies, it's the only one that can hypnotize me like Donnie Darko. It got me wondering, why is it that vampire movies entertain us so much, they're almost always a hit. Is it immortality that intrigues us so? Do we all yearn to be immortal at times? Fear of death is, after all, human nature. Or is it pity? Other than Dracula most vampires suffer with their immortality and hide in the shadows usually all alone, suffering for their sins. I don't know about anyone else, but personally it's the tragedy that gets me. For as powerful as they are, vampires don't seem to be able to ever be happy, although I guess that's what happens when your damned. Of course I not talking about slasher when vampires are personality-less killers, I'm speaking of movies or shows that have them as actual characters.
My favorite thing about this movie is the soundtrack, written by Jonathan Davis of KoRn. I know, they've gone to shit, but Davis has the most amazing voice and some of his music is to die for. I know that some people think that KoRn is and always was terrible, but back in the day they were the band for me. I spent countless hours in my days of teenage angst stoned and listening to KoRn. At the time they seemed to get me, looking at the dark side of reality, seeing all the sick things people try to hide, the things I still hide.
Ok, maybe I should stop talking about a movie and say something about me in the post, after all, how else am I supposed to feed my ego with a page dedicated to myself. Fuck I sound like an asshole ha ha! But seriously I haven't been doing a whole lot since I last posted, but I will be dropping off resume's tomorrow, man this week went by fast but I guess thats what happens when your actually doing things. Hopefully by this time I'll have a job and be doing things, that would be wild. And a job will force me into social interaction, something that I've been aching for.
Wish me luck.
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Fuck I feel like a moronm I can't have intelligent thoughts on my own, I need some stimulation. There were points when I could write or talk and sound like I had a head on my shoulders, but now when I'm alone it's mostly incoherant babbling. This weekend, I spent like 5 or 6 hours talking to the lovely Tessa and I wasn't being a moron, but the second the stimulation is gone I can't think at all. I've been listsning to alot of Bush lately, I can really feel them like always, but even they don't stimulate any independant thought. On the plus side the depressing Bush songs seem to always have a ray of hope so I feel better about feeling like shit. I really don't get it, the songs don't end happy or anything, but the way they sound is like 'I feel bad right now, but it really will get better' most music doesn't do that for me. Well I think 'Alien' actually means to convey that hope, but otherwise it's just the general sound. I wish I could convey my emotions as well as Gavin Rossdale, then it would probably be easier to deal with. Seriously though, it's like I've rediscovered Bush, I can't get enough of them.
I spent this weekend in Melville, which is always fun. As I said earlier I got to chill out with Miss Krofcheck for quite awhile, nothing like pool and coffee with a good friend. I even was lucky enough to catch a free Jazz concert with some of the modern Greats, Janis Borla, Steve Jones(I love Steve), Jack Mouse, and Stewart Smith to name a few. And for a nice confidence booster Steve and Jack remembered me, I may just be trying to feed my floudering ego, but if famous people who meet hundreds of people every year, that I haven't seen in two years, remember me then I used to be pretty cool. Keywords 'used to be' now I'm kinda down on myself and I kinda have problems when it comes to meeting people, but I'm working on it. Unfortunately I was busy with Tessa too long and by the time I got to the bar everyone was leaving, maybe next year I guess. I also grabbed myself a new printer/copier/scanner combo for only $140, now if I can just get the stupid thing to print, or copy. Atleast the scanner works fine.
I know I said this before, but I'm guuna try to get my life back on track, tomorrow, I'm going to get this thing printing and run off some resumes, replace my dead signal light, and go for my blood test. I'm also going to phone around and see if I can take a bartending course in town, my mom suggested it and I think it's a good idea. I like working with people and I'm a bit of a night owl so bartending could work out pretty well for me. Either way I'm going to start dropping off resumes on tuesday, hopefully I'll have some cash flow pretty soon.
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"A famous linguist once said that of all the phrases in the english language, of all the endless word combinations that 'cellar door' is the most beautiful"
That quote is from Donnie Darko, if you've seen the movie you probably know it, but if you haven't I reccomend you buy it as it's an essential for every movie collection. But enough of the shameless plug, I actually have something to say in realtion to that quote. Actually what I want to speak of is the opposite of the most beautiful phrase. The ugly, terrible phrase that still haunts me from the one time I heard it and it meant something, the phrase that still rips at my soul, "I don't believe you." I've never claimed to be a caring person, honestly most people could die and I couldn't care less, there are very few people I do or have every really cared about, and only one that I have loved. This lack of care and love has tormented me at times, I have in days past believed myself to be a completely cold-hearted person not deserving of life, let alone love. But the person I loved made me realize that it was OK, that I do have a lot of love to give even if I am very cautious and selective with whom I love. Actually I don't even find me worthy of my own love. I have disgusted myself time and time again watching me subtly manipulate people, gaining their trust in order to have someone around and not caring about them at all. Telling people enough truth to let them see me as I want them to see and hiding most things from them. But at one point I believed that this was all okay, She had me convinced that I was a good person, private, but good. I opened up to Her and let her know everything, even my most darkest secrets that have haunted my concience for years. I loved, and love her with all my heart, I would have done anything for her, I would have died for a single kiss. My family and friends told me She was bad for me, a useless floozy, but they didn't know Her like I did. Even when I lived with Her and we were always broke and fighting I was still happy because I had the priveledge of seeing her everyday. Those circumstances past and we overcame our disagreements and became close again. Maybe it's an indication that we shouldn't be together but shortly after tension grew again. But whenever I saw Her, no matter how much we squabbled I was happy just to be with her. But it all ended not too long ago, shortly after that terrible day when She said "I don't believe you." In context, we were arguing about someting stupid, being the moronic asshole I am I probably started it, and I was tired of fighting so I apologised for any infractions and said "I love you." Normally I would put it down as She was still mad about the fight, but she explained why. I'm not going to give Her explanation here, but she had one. Out of everything that has been said or done to me in my entire life, nothing hurt as much as when she said "I don't believe you." The worst part was that She was being honest, that was a dagger in my heart and left a scar that will stay with me for the rest of my life. It's a common phrase usually said to a bullshitter, never thought much of, but in the right context and said in honesty nothing hurts more than "I don't believe you."
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Man was today ever pointless, but I guess it did motivate me, I'm ready to start doing things with my life - for now. I went to bed last night around three and never woke up until like six this evening, better not do that again. Is it just me or is William Shatner appear in every comedy that comes out these days. On the plus side I've been talking to Jamie a fair amount lately, man did I ever miss her.
You know what I hate today, it's two things. First off the blogger "next" buttton, it's a good idea, but it should take language into consideration. Half the blogs I end up at aren't in english and that does me no good, anyone know how I can browse through english blogs? Another thing that gets my goat is when you can't comment on a blog. I want to give people my frank, bias opinion and they won't let me. I have no intent to be mean, but I really get annoyed when I can't comment.
I know I promised a review of the movie Brazil, but frankly I don't think I have the capacity to do it any justice. It's a very trippy movie about an overly oppresive government reminiscent of 12Monkeys another Gilliam classic, although Brazil was made first so I guess I have that backwards. Although the ending really was a downer, it is a magical tale of love. Probably the best Love story I've seen since Moulin Rouge. But not that cheesy, and far more intelligent, and for once the leading man and lady aren't ridiculously good looking, although the leading lady does look very magical in the love scenes as they usually do. Personally I love it when the people who find true love in movies, it gives hope for us regular folks. Another thing I can't stand is the fat guy skinny hot wife syndrome that seems to have hit sitcoms, really I know that it's whats inside that counts, but these guys are also assholes.
I herby promise myself that I will wake up to my alarm clock tomorrow morning. I'm gunna get my place clean, get the tuba back to Jon, and get some resume's out. I'm loading my mp3 player up with my new Johnny Cash CD and my new No Doubt CD so tomorrow will have a most excellent sound track if nothing more. I really have to do some dishe though, they're really starting to stack up and in a few days they may start to stink. I have to do them, I'm not going to live like when I was with Allysia again. But I should sleep now, so until tomorrow, I bid you all adieu.
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The plus side of having too much time on my hands is that I can keep this updated for my reader, that's right I have readers! Not many mind you, but it's still a good feeling, even if some of them are people carrying on a long over argument, how long can you beat a dead horse for? I moved my armchair in front of the comp too tonight, for some reason slouching all the time makes my back feel alot better. It may seem obvious or that I'm becoming way too lazy for my own good, but I think I'm a genius at the moment. Don't worry, it'll pass in like ten minutes.
Fuck I can't sleep again. The stupid appliances are making too much noise, it hasn't been this bad since I was living with Megan and Sammy. I know your probably thinking "why doesn't the moron turn his shit off ?" but it's not like that, the deepfreeze and fridge make the loudest noises of all and it's not wise to turn them off, also I hear the neighbors things too. It's pretty much anything electrical that makes it. It's a high pich ringing noise that it's hard to sleep through and gives a headache. Whatever though, it's not frequently that bad so it's all good, I'll be fine tomorrow. On the plus side I was up before noon today, actually I woke up at nine o' clock, pretty wild.
I love that episode of the Boondocks when Grandad get the restaurant, it's done really well. It was on tonight and I was eating a pudding cup and I almost puked watching it, it really makes you think about what your eating. I bet if I ran that on a loop all the time I'd never be able to eat. Not saying it's healthy, just saying it makes an impact. While on the subject of food I should tell you about the fruit in my house that kinda frightens me. I may be wrong about the lifespan of a natural fruit, but frankly I think preservatives have gone too far. I bought a bag of apples when Allysia was staying here, which was the first couple of days that I was here. Being the wannabe pirate that I am in an attempt to get scurvy I still have some of said apples left. Their pefectly fine, none of them look any older than the day I bought them, it's sickening. Also I bought some oranges two or three weeks agao that were pretty green, ok I though they'll be good to eat in a week or two. None of them are ready to eat yet, they look like I bought them yesterday nice and green. Things like that frighten me very much. I love Dead Like Me actually Showcase usually has really good shows, but nothing beats Six Feet Under and Dead Like Me, they are probably the best shows on television. Maybe I give them too much credit, but itelligent shows that are funny seem few and far between, also both of them actually look at the brighter side of death which is always nice. After all death is an inevitability, why should we fear it.
Ok kids it's time for Mikes Movie Review! Today I'll be reviewing th movie Van Helsing, which to my surprise is already in the old section of the movie place. I thought it was brand new, but apparently I'm behind the times. This movie had a very interesting portrayal of the classic Brahm Stolker character Arthur Van Helsing as a young man battling demons as opposed to a kindly old professor who's very knowledgable in the occult. Unfortunatly the plot is at times as sturdy as a card house, and for some reason Hugh Jackman's character is another I'm assuming immortal character who suffers from amnesia, leaves me wondering if he can do any character thanWolverine/Van Helsing(the slash is because they are pretty much the same character). Although despite it's flaws the movie has some wonderful special effects and riveting action sequences that keep you on the edge of your seat. And it does show a fair amount of intelligence and the new way of doing the classic horror is quite refreshing. Next time:Brazil, an '85 movie directed by Terry Gilliam, almost guaranteed to be a gooder, Terry's never dissapoined me and I hope he won't anytime soon.
Yeah, that last part was terrible, but I'm not falling asleep anytime soon and this blog provides me with something to do. After all it is my RAMBLINGS so I can ramble about whatever I want. This is RokosH sining out.
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Ya know what else pisses me off? Those stupid word verification things, personally I think it's a waste of time and some of those things make l's and i's look almost identical and if you fuck it up you have to try again. I probably just sound bitchy, but I'd rather not have anonomous comments then you know who said it and you don't need to worry about word verification if they have an account. Hey, showcase just said Kenny vs Spenny is a Showcase original show. Do they mean that they were the station that created it? Because CBC did I know that for sure, Showcase I'm on to your tricks. It's kind of funny a guy whose as paranoid about Television networks and such having nothing better to do than watch TV.
Man I wish I could sleep though, I have a doctors appointment in the morning and I shouldn't sleep through it. Oh well If I'm stuck up past 4 I'll just stay up. Maybe I'll try the good old warm milk or rye or something. I hate insomnia. Smoking does make it easier although I'm smoking even more quickly than usual, which if you know me it's normally pretty fast. The shitty thing is I get really depressed when I'm tired. I can't stop thinking about Allysia. I'm not sure if not having her in my life was a good idea or not. I love her and with me being a natural asshole she probably thinks I did that because I was mad at her or something. I really need to learn to not dwell, but I don't know what else to do. I miss her and I haven't seen her for like a week or so, fuck am I ever codependant.
Have you ever seen those munchems magic commercials? Fuck are they ever stupid, I know they're meant to be dumb, but they push it too far. Also that commercial is always on. Personally I will never buy that product because of it's stupid ads. Yeha, I'll start a boycott, no buying munchems until they get more intelligent commercials. If you want to join me then leave notice in comments. Spread the word, no more munchems, or none at all in my case I guess. Anyways I'm going to try and get some sleep. Peace.
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I actually did things yesterday! Fucken weird. Kelly took me shopping and helped me get a new look of sorts. The current consensus is that I'm kinda stylish now. Truth be told I actually laughed at myself in the fitting room, but I really never knew there are shirts that don't' have band names or funny sayings on them. Although my pants must be very hip,they were selling jeans that were more trashed than mine for eighty bucks! Why would you want pre-trashed clothing? Fucken trendy rips.
So feeling pretty good about my new clothes I decided to go to the bar with Miss Kuechle. We went to O'hannolins and found Claire and Kristen. Also Megan and Sammy and that whole bunch. That was a pretty good time. I handled quite a bit of beer considering the meds I'm on, so now I'm seventy bucks poorer. But I had a good time, no panic attacks, and I was able to dance merrily. I almost picked up a chick too, although her father was there, so I'm kinda confused about that whole thing. Picture this, you meet someone at a bar, you dance, you start making out, and a fat old guy comes along and tells her it's time to go and she explains that it''s her dad. Fucking weird, I really don't know what to think and something makes me think that somewhere along the way I did something morally wrong. Anyways shortly after that I found Kelley and she told me it was time to go, and she was my DD so I really didn't have a choice. Whatever, my night was over, it was fun, I crashed out on my couch and woke up with a savage hangover.
So, not alot happened today Kelley came over and we watched a movie called "Brotherhood of the Wolf", very good movie. It was a Canadian flick which is always good, I love seeing movies made here. It was in french but Allysia got me used to subtitles so it caused no problems. And it had a very good plot, I highly recommend it. Man I just keep on rambling, I should really say something of substance soon, but I probably won't.
You know what really pisses me off? Family guy. I enjoy the show, it's funny and all, but so cheap. It just rips off other shows constantly, it's like a half hour of bad plagiarism. So I'm always conflicted to watch it. Ya know it's funny as hell, but it also leaves you wondering about your intelligence at the end. And since I'm bitching about TV, the CBC(Canadian Broadcasting Company) really really pisses me off. They do alot of good, don't get me wrong, when it comes to promoting Canadian independant Musicians, Movies, and Television shows. But when the second a show or comedian gets big they have to mess it up. I don't know why but the CBC gives sponsors them a bit and your left with something only fit for old people and prepubescent. The humour turns from intelligent and (I can't believe I'm going to say this but...) racey into slapstick and bad puns that the three stooges wouldn't even touch. Dear CBC, leave shows alone, keep your grubby hands off of them!!!
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Ok, let me explain something, I've been getting criticism for my post's so here's the deal. I sit in my house all the fucking time I have no job, I don't go to school, and people piss me off. I sit here and fucking stew, also I go online at night after I've taken my pills and they seem to make my very angry and filled with self loathing. And I've been getting savage fucking migranes, yeah I bitch alot. I'm kinda in a transition of sorts and have very little to do and I have a bitch of a time crawling out of bed in the morning. I know that you are all free to your own opinions, so I figured I'd let you know the pretext, also I don't believe in editing my posts no matter how stupid they are. And now...on with my post.
So Cory called me today and asked if I wanted to grab a drink or something. I figured alright might as well hang out with the dude, I'm not doing anything else and he is my cousin. SO whatever he picks me up and right after I jump in the truck he tells me that first we have to go to like 5 furniture stores and he needs me to load shit onto his truck. That tricky bastard! I would have helped if he asked, but isn't there a law or something that you have to tell people when your taking them places to carry heavy objects? And then he spends two hours in Rona haggling TWO HOURS! how can you spend that much time complaining about prices, and you know how much money he saved? A grand total of...34 dollars, It may seem like alot but he spent over four hundred dollars, thats less than ten percent Jesus Christ. But we did have a good time laughing about Dwight(Corys brother, my Godfather) because he found Jesus. Not that finding God is a bad thing, but Dwight used to be the biggest partyer and spent his days drunk and or stoned. Now he seems pretty high and mighty and it is very entertaining. I know I sound pathetic here but my biggest problem is that he picked me up at 3 and I never got home until 9.
Men, I need to find a job, I'm falling victim to daytime TV, it eats away at your soul. I'm fingind it do hard to read, my brain is turning into mush and it's becoming difficult to read. And TV is so offensive, have you ever watched what the people are like on it? Even the "real people are shallow and frivolous. I mean are we really like that? If so we should be exterminated
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Been here too long, can't read anymore, attention span is gone. Have way too much time to waste, wasting away, watching the world pass by, listening to Tegan and Sara. Maybe you don't love me, but I don't care anymore. Anymore, nevermore quothe the raven. Drowning in myself, my self-loathing, my self hatred, and lonliness. Fucking codependant, always alone, need someone to be there, an anchor to sanity. Gey outside, grey inside, weather controls all, hits you right in the core. You cling to it, cling to it's overbearing presence. Watch it crush you and let you go flying in shambles to hell. Nervous, nerves, paranoia eats away at me, too many people and I'm all alone scared and naked. Naked before them, they see and judge, judge and weigh and show how worthless I am. They know what I've done, they smell it on my soul, see it etched in my eyes, no where to run, can only hide, hide in a closet, in a crowd, in death. Don't know how to hide, poker face, cover it up, burn it in security. Security is someone being there, to protect, protect me from myself, save me with the shield I make for them, make to protect them from me. Aide me, save me, rape me. I'm raped daily by the demons inside, I can feel them, their wretched fingers clawing at my soul, digging scars no one can see but they're there. If theres some living left to be done better hurry before they destroy me, burn me. Burn from the inside, burning men, spotaneous combustion fuck. Bring your daughters to the slaughter, we're no more than sheep following the trends. The stars, our new gods, rule from Hollywood. Act stupid, make a fart joke and rule the world for an hour, show us your tits and maybe get two. Trainwreck of society, fuck monogamy, sex is the cheapest commodity. Burn your own witches in your own time, slaughter the masses for oil in the name of freedom. Defend your honour, what honour? Family honour? Self honour? Greed? Fuck yeah greed, gotta have more, more than you can handle, except decency, a sliver of that and your screwed, hated, burnt on the fucking cross Christ! Christ hung on the cross and we pissed on his gave, raped his mother and fed her to the dogs. I think therefore I am? No one thinks anymore, just consume, like a fucking parasite, just take until theres no more, then kill for kicks. Blood money runs our fucking economy blood from our brother, our sisters, our mothers, our fucking children. It pours in and we don't fucking care as long as it gets us more shit, feul for the hate. But where's the love? The pure shit? Why is it so hard to find? Searching, scanning, screaming, crying, dying, hopeing for tomorrow. Today is dead and tomorrow is as unlikely as ever. Die in your sleep, die dreaming, they'll drop the bomb when your not looking. Safety is paranoia, and paranoia is hell, and hell is pain, and pain is ecstasy. Bite me again, let me bleed in ecstasy, feel your teeth in my skin, tortured souls scream for more. I want to manifest the pain inside, let me feel my scars anew, let me see them on my flesh. Pain in love, love is pain, pain in pain. I used to think love flowed freely and felt like nothing else. I was partly right, it feels like nothing else, it's the worst torture ever, but such an amazing torture you scream for more. The most beautiful thing cuts like a knife, it eats away at you leaving a shell for the locusts.
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Fuck I'm cold, so fucking cold. I have the heat cranked and I'm still shivering, I wish I had some wood for a fire. I don't know why I'm so cold, this sucks. I got a haircut today and found out about dropping out, apparently since I'm dropping out because of [mental]health reasons I may be reinbursed. Kelley will soon help me buy some new clothing and I'll be checking out gym's right away, soon no one will even recognise me. I'm long due for change, it's time to kill the old and recreate myself but it's hard.
This paranoia is driving me crazy, I know, how ironic. But seriously, I'm fucking petrified alone, I need to find a job and get out of here, be around people. Maybe social ventures will help me get out of this. I can barely sleep at night now, I have to leave the T.V. on but atleast I have no stupid thoughts. Also the boredom is killing me, I just sit here twitching and bored. Everyone else has things to do, but not me. Although I was supposed to take it easy, but sometimes it feels like punishment.
Peace
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Yes, I haven't been on in a while, so I felt obligated to update. Theres an odd show on T.V. at the moment about an odd man's quest to save William Lyon Mackenzie Kings Visage on the fifty, he is an interesting fellow and the show is very cheesy, although in the ending they put Elvis on the fifty and he is sad.
So my mother and Tony took Kelley and I out for supper this eve. Kelley was very polite so I'm pretty sure my mother will try to make me seduce Kelley, yeah, she's odd. I said goodbye to miss Kerney, very very hard to do left me kind of down, but I gotta fix up my life and I think that was an important thing to do. As for another part Kelley is going to help me purchase new clothing and fix up my apppearance. We watched Donnie Darko this evening, no matter how any times I see that film it always makes me think and astounds me, it really should be viewed monthly at the minimum. That is probably the greatest movie made so far, and I'm always glad that I purchased it. I think I'm going to make a basic "My Space" in order to convert more traffic here as no one looks at my blog.
I keep on remembering this one scene from a bad sitcom when I was a kid, this guy eats birdseed thinking it's his skinny brothers cereal, yeah I don't get it either, but I remember being so confisd as to why he coulm make that mistake. I also have the song "Fear of the Dark" by Iron Maiden stuck in my head. That song really hit's me lately, it's like my motto for life. I am scared of the dark, I'm fucking petrified. It's stupid, I used to feel most secure in the dark, it was my safety blanket, and now I'm ready to scream when it's dark. Same as solitude, I used to revel in being alone, now I don't know how to deal really, I get so fucking scared, I really don't know whats wrong with me.
This show fucking sucks, It's called "Canadian Comedy Shorts" normally Canadian comedy is better than most, but this show sucks. They're having a "documentary" on Xtreme trampoline, totally fucking lame, but whatever different strokes for different folks.
Peace
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Bleach the sky, clean the heavens, purify the earth, burn the houses. The purifying flame of richousness, scratch away at the decay it's covering your soul, corrupting your brain. Greed is the new disease and it infects all while we scream for more. Fuck the cure, fuck the pure, fuck the child slaves who make your fucking hundred-dollar sneakers. Words instead of numbers make an impact. You can kill it over and over but it comes back. Gluttony, gluttony of food, gluttony of things, gluttony of the mind with all the useless crap we have. Stab us in the heart, watch us bleed the black the empty fluid of existence. Don't listen, medicate, sedate, but for heavens sake don't masturbate. Treat us like children demoralize, chastisize, demonize. Teach us our right from left, wrong from right, teach us tricks. Put me on a fifteen minute watch, what are you watching? My reading? My Talking? My Breathing? I slip up and you solve it prozak, valum, seroquel, cover the secrets of my mind, bend my will. Keep me close while you shun, interrogate but don't listen, take care of me and ignore what I need. Medicate me, give me all the drugs you can throw. Make me numb, dumb, obsolete and drooling. Bit the pillow, hide your screams. Screams of pain or ecsatsy, hide yourself and your pain. The Devil sends his beast and theres nothing you can do about it. He returns all the pain and hatred you gave threefold. You will walk alone through all the torture, all the hatred. Where is your messiah? He's in Wlmart shopping for hope, but theres none left. Use anti-psychotics to sleep, eat your children and soddomize you mother. Nothing has any value anymore, nothing. Morals, values, ethics, aspirations, cottage cheese it's all the same and nothing. Solve the riddle that is humanity, find hope for the already dead. Soulless children ripped from the wombs of the damned, raised to know nothing but greed. Who will save us? We can't save ourselves, we're too fucking pathetic. Cut down the trees, pour oil in the ocean and shoot to maim. At five 'o clock they take me to the gallows, medication didn't help my case. Depression has turned to rage. I'm back and I'm out for purity. Clean your souls if you can but you have to do it on your own, no one can help you. Fuck I sound like a crazy peson, but I've been institutionalized, it's all good.
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Peace? What the fuck is peace? Peace on Earth? Peace of mind? Piece of pi? Piece of ass? Fuck we can't have peace yet, it's above us we don't deserve it.We raped God and taped it, sold it on the internet and fucking laughed. Breathe in breathe out, always have to breathe. Orange band on my wrist shows my freedom, freedom in the fucking psycho prison, just another chain another illusionandother confusion, work for the machines let them show you how to work, how to play, how to die. They'll help you with the last one and not quickly. Slowly, painfully rip out the soul and let the body decay, squirm like a toad. Make them laugh, make them cry, pull your knife and make them die. I can feel the music again. Hello I love you won't you tell me your name? Fucken eh! I feel it again, I groove out again, thank God for the psyche ward vacation.I am the fucken crystal ship being filled again, I can see the fucking jungle again. I may be crazier but I love it! Honey it's getting close to midnight, time to see yourself in the true light of the darkness. Be exposed to yourself out of sight, it's allright, I won't spy. I've already seen all I need in your eyes. Everything I wanted too, some things I didn't want to see, even those sick, wretched thoughts you hide behing childlike emerald eyes. I saw it and it's too late to protect your disease. Satan burns in your eyes while God is in your heart, I see it, you can't deny. I see you embrace me with your fear and fear my embrace, my touch, my love. Love, yes it's there, thats why I'm forced to watch, watch you burn from the inside. You are a creature of the wind, you fly wherever it takes you. Wherever it whims, onces again another fucking control, when the wind blows you. The weather controls your life, you've been taken bylust, fear, and drugs, sadness and ecstasy. But everyday I see you come cdloser to me. To my fury, fury will take you, shake you, maybe even break you. Are you scared of the dark? You will be when it consumes you, when it rapes you from within. When you can't control your own hatred, when you kill rape and mutillate everything you once loved and scream for what you've don, and for more. You may not see it, not feel it, but I know you hear it, maybe you even fear it my love. Your silent screams are for something, ever see the demon inside? Hear it growl across time? You run from me when the enemy is inside, I want to help you, to keep you safe, but thats not what you want or need. You'll face it naked and alone, you'll be weighed measure, and hopefully found worthy. Then you can live without fear, without hate. Don't say it's not there, hate. I've seen the fire in your eyes, the frightening stare from your soul and I repulse you because I've seen it. You only see shards of the mirror, the whole picture might crush you, it will. You will need to be rebuilt, better, stronger, faster, fucken six-million dollar woman. Jesus wears a trenchcoat with an uzi hidden underneath, the holy spirit hides in a dumpster, and the fucking almighty rapes children on Sundays after church! When did we lose the way? Excess or bust. Excess is bust! Eat, sleep, and breed too much, don't read or think, someone will do that for you. Burn your witches, your bridges, your fucking house too, it's all too easy and all too true. By now you can't live without it, it's too much or death. Increase your bottom line, your propety line, your waiste line. Fuck!
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